Lupron Depot/Norethindrone

Y'all. This medicine has taught me some things about myself. I'm trying to be positive and reflect on any good that has come out of this. Here goes my attempt!

Babies
First, I'm glad I did this. I can say that with a straight face now knowing that this process will be over in 8 days. I really do want to slow down this awful disease called endometriosis long enough to have kiddos. I know there are options for people with infertility who want to have kids and I know that I will love my children regardless of whether they are made in a test tube or if they are mine by law and not due to anything genetic. I want to be a mama. More specifically, I want to be the best mama ever - even though I know many women who have set that bar extremely high. I hope the surgery, shots, daily pills and everything that came as a side effect to that (i.e. scars, weight gain, exhaustion, less interest in my man, etc.) will pay off in the form of an easy conception, uneventful pregnancy and normal delivery. Knowing I've increased the chances of those things happening has made this less-than-fun process worth a shot.

Fitness
These meds took all my energy - I'd look for the energy to workout and it just didn't seem available. I've spent so many weekends napping for hours at a time. I don't know how many times I've apologized to my Hon for not feeling up for doing anything fun because I just wanted to rest. I actually felt embarrassed sometimes wondering if Ryan's parents just find me extremely lazy for sleeping so much when I visit their home. And ugh this weight gain. If you know me I'm sure you've already heard me complain about this. 114 to 131 y'all. BUT the good thing that has come out of all that is that I'm now fully aware of my potential for fitness. I now feel like "wow, I had all that energy before and didn't get the maximum use out if it." My goal is not to be as fit as I was before all this. My goal is to be MORE fit than I was before. I don't necessarily want to weigh less or be "skinnier" - I just want my body to perform better. I want to strengthen it. I want to learn new things (dance lessons anyone?) that I didn't do with my body before. I'm so mentally pumped about getting back into physical activity! I want to be athletic!

Smoking
This is the hardest one for me to admit. I still wasn't going out and buying my own packs or anything, but I was starting to get way into smoking (not that any amount of smoking is ok). Knowing that there were more immediate dangerous consequences to smoking while on Lupron/Norethindrone made me completely quit smoking. In 8 days I will be 6 months smoke free. Being forced to quit made me realize I'm completely capable of not smoking. I'm set on keeping this up as a lifestyle change and not just as a temporary change. I don't think this will be easy but I know I'm capable of doing it and I know it would mean a lot to my Hon. I will also feel like a better mama if my kids never know me as a smoker...but that's a distant goal for now.

Pain
I've been living with pain off and on since I was 9 years old because of this disease. It was humiliating leaving in the middle of a final exam my senior year in high school because I was in so much pain. The teacher came up to me, saw me shivering & sweating etc. and said "Go home. I'll grade what you've done so far." Oh, the rumors that ensued afterwards...
I've felt the kind of pain that is so bad that I get fever, throw up and other miserable stuff - completely debilitating pain. I've only had minor pain for the last 6 months. I really really really hope the days of intense pain are over. Even if I've just bought a long delay to the recurrence of pain, that's something. I really hope the pain doesn't come back. This treatment has undoubtedly been a pain in the @** but it hasn't been the worse kind of pain...

Enough of that. I'll begin weekly weigh-ins on or around the last day of treatment. I hope to receive some encouragement from friends/family because I'm sure I'll need it - especially if things take more time than I hope. Hopefully I will be my old self again (minus the bad parts - like pain and such) very soon after I take that blasted final pill!